I am officially boycotting the societally-sanctioned responses to “How are you?”
The answer is, “I don’t know.” This answer will be true and at the same time concise, freeing you from the burden of hearing any prolonged exposition.
Similarly, I am through with “How was your day/weekend/week?” If you’d like to see how I spend that time or measure its quality, just come over and hang out. Watch me do things. Then tell me what I did and how it was for you. Because I certainly am not keeping track.
Numbers change places. I have no other evidence that anything is happening.
I tried that before, but I never had much luck with “I don’t know” as a response. Some people got angry, thinking I was being a wiseguy. Most wanted to ask me more about my answer, which was the last thing I wanted to do. Now I just go for the neutral “Okay” for a response.
How much do you want to bet the first thing I ask you next time we meet on IM is “How are you?” I apologize in advance… Society has conditioned me well.
My most hated question/discussion involves the weather. Can we find a more common denominator?
I actually try to mostly answer honestly. I think my deep psychology appreciates the candor. But what I find is helpful is to find ways which are honest, but which other people find amusing…
For instance, I occasionally say “I’ve had better…” or “simply wretched” and it seems to work for me…
On the flip side, any more I try to make myself as happy as possible so that if I’m ask, I can honestly say I’m pretty darn fabulous:)
I always answer that question with the longest answer possible. Once they start to get uncomfortable I realize they will never ask again. If they don’t get even a little put off, I know they are someone I may need to avoid in the future. The exception to this rule is my mom. She has years of training at having an even longer response to anything I come up with. I finally give up and tell her I have to go get the kid to quit playing in traffic, and she agrees.
I agree with the “How are you?” frustration. I’m like Monica. I try to come up with an honest answer that doesn’t beg any more inquiry. Often, it’s “Tired,” or “I can’t wait to get home,” or somesuch. But often it’s just, “Fine.” And often it’s true. I’m doing adequately and up to my own satisfaction.
I really don’t get people who say, “How are you?” when they’re *passing you in the hall*. There isn’t even time for an answer. I usually push for “Hey there!” or if I have more syllables: “Nice to see you!” if it’s true, or “Hope you’re doing well!” Which is true for almost anyone, even if I don’t actually like them. And it isn’t a question-answer, for which there is no time in a hall-passing situation.
I do ask my friends “How are you” and mean it. I want real answers. I don’t apologize for it. If I haven’t seen someone for a while, it’s a general-purpose question for any updates on their life or mental state since we talked last.
But I also recognize that we need SOME commitment-free polite things to say to people we don’t know well. “How are you?” is loaded, but it’s what we have. What would you suggest?
This is really not about not wanting to say the expected “fine.” This is about how I have really lost track of my sense of self and I have no idea how to answer these questions. Lately I default to not feeling anything or not being any particular way. When I pause to take stock of how I am, I don’t know how to package the information I get from such introspection.